I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
