So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
