He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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