The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
