The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Success! We fucked roommates!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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