Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
