The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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