I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
