I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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