First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
