Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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