I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize