She is in my trunk
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
