Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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