Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
