don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
3 2 1 whiskey
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
