She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
