That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There's always time for handjobs
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
