ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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