he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
