i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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