told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
