I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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