The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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