He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
