i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
