so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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