i permit you to call me
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
