My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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