Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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