i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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