in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
