Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
