I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
