hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
