Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He called his prostate his "boner button".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
