How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
