he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
