so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
