I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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