Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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