there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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