Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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