The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
