She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize