she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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