Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize