my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
