My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I need water and some morals
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
