he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
