i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
