Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
