I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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