saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
