The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
