a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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