This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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