where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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