theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
