On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just gargled with NyQuil
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
