New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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