I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
