Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
50% drunk capacity currently
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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