kristin has been a bad kristin
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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