Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
