Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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