Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
