I just threw up on my dentist
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
