I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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