After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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