Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's blow job season.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
