So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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